Being in tune with your inner voice is so important in identifying your needs, values, vision and purpose. However, this inner voice also comes with a dark side. This dark side is called your inner critic. This voice is the one that tells you that you are stupid, worthless, ugly, fat, broken, weird, abnormal and so on. It is the voice that often clouds our judgment or perception of each and every life experience. Just when things are going well, it yells “shut up you idiot, no one cares”. It’s ruthless, callous and most of all, it is false. Your critic is wrong. I want you to take a moment and remember that. This inner critic is false. You are beautiful, worthwhile, smart and normal. Language is so powerful and the language we use to describe ourselves to ourselves can be negative and self limiting. Yet this voice is ever so tricky. It perceives situations in such a ways that develop evidence for it. “I told you, you were ugly … see how that person keeps looking at you with disgust.” Or it discounts the evidence that counter-acts it “ah she only says you’re beautiful because she’s your mother and she has to say it”. But we all believe it. I am a therapist and I still fall into the “believing the critic” trap. My inner critic told me that I was unworthy, unlovable and unattractive and it would use screen grabs from any hurtful moments in my life as evidence of those beliefs. Each time my partner and I would break up, the belief of being unlovable popped up so viscerally that I didn’t want to feel anymore. Each time a bully or an external critic would mention something about my appearance I would be convinced that I was hideous. And when things didn’t come my way or I was rejected in some shape or form, I would believe it was because I was worthless.

The question that my clients always ask me is “where does this voice come from?” I wish there was a simple answer. I wish I could respond by saying that your inner critic developed from your upbringing or from that traumatic event you went through. However, that would be a lie. There are many different ways that this critic develops and grows. But one thing I do know is that we all have an inner critic. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with you if you have negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself. This is the most normal part of yourself, yet we are never taught or trained on how to manage it. I purposefully use the word “manage” because sadly this critic is an employee that needs to be managed even though we would love to escort them out of the building. The sad reality is that this critic will always be there. Psychologists have tried researching multiple ways of trying to remove this critic with poor success rates. Studies have found that learning to manage this critic is a much better way of improving one’s mood and relationship with this voice.

In order to “manage” this terrible employee. You will need to get know this critic inside out. You will need to study it, stalk it, find out it’s deepest darkest secrets.

What does he or she say?

What stories does this critic tell you?

When do they pop up?

How often do they pop up?

How do their stories affect you?

Sometimes these questions are difficult to answer and you may have to do some investigating. I found that journaling my thoughts is often the best way to track what's going on in my head. But once I have journaled everyday for a month, I look back and analyse any common themes that have emerged and I give them a name. Oh here comes the worthless story again. My favourite technique is when you label the critic after someone, I always seem to think of my critic as Regina George from Mean Girls. Giving them a label and a charachter help in externalising the critic and removing it's power over me. This stops me from getting trapped in the thought cycle that this critic is a true reflection of me and my life.

Secondly, it's important to look at the critic as a protective mechanism. Yep, Regina George pops up out of fear. She wanted to be mean first to get you in line and following societal standards, so that you wouldn't stand out and others couldn't hurt you. But Regina George is immature. She does not understand that you were born to stand out and the things she thinks are wrong, are actually the things that are pretty unique and amazing about you. She doesn't know that the world loves uniqueness and authenticity and doesn't condemn you for every little imperfection because nobody is perfect. The gratitude technique involves validating and thanking your inner critic for trying to protect you, but to reassure it that you can handle it from here.

Thirdly, the inner critic makes outlandish, rigid, over generalised, black and white judgements about you which are weak cases in a court of law. It's important to challenge these statements by asking yourself counter questions like a top lawyer. I always think of the lawyer character Annalise from the tv show, How To Get Away With Murder? Ask yourself questions such as how am I beautiful? Answer them honsetly with answers such as I have a beautiful soul, a passionate drive or a beautiful authentic smile. Create a positives diary as evidence for all of your positive traits. This focus on your positives builds a solid case in your favour. So that when this critic comes up with a rigid view again, you shoot back with multiple bits of evidence that says ... I'm sorry critic but I think you're wrong. Bring out exhibit A, positive diary 101.

Go on, get to know your critic. Label it. Thank it. Challenge it. Create a new view which encompasses all of your beauty and worthiness.

You are beautiful. You are loveable. And you are worthy.

With Love

The Fashion Therapist

XOXO

New prescription; take two doses of nature 15 minutes a day, each day to reduce stress and increase mood. Could this be real? Could Mother Nature provide beneficial properties just by being in her presence? Well, it appears so, as studies have found that spending time with nature such as looking at water or sitting in the middle of a green field can reduce stress hormones by large percentages. The good news is that we can all access nature in one way or another. You can walk through the park on your way to work or go cloud gazing on your lunch break or bird spotting during your afternoon tea. Did you know that even just introducing pictures of water scenery, plants and water fountains to the office can have similar effects too. This knowledge can be helpful when creating your future work space or daily routine. This new habit could help reduce stress tension and maintain optimal relaxation throughout your day. Do you have any creative suggestions on how to incorporate nature in your day to day life? Email them through and you'll be tagged in future blog posts. Off to walk in the park with my dog,

Sometimes relationships and friendships come to a natural end. Others become toxic and harsh. What are some signs that the relationship has become sour? Aggression is often a very clear boundary cross but it can come in many forms. Aggression can be physical or verbal. Constant put downs, belittling, rejections, devaluing of comments and ignoring someone’s presence or idea are a few examples of inappropriate behaviour. Emotional abuse is often the hardest abuse to identify and manage as it can be subtle but has an enormous impact on a person’s self esteem and worth.

How to become unstuck? First and foremost it is important to identify the behaviour that is impacting you and to address how you would like to fix the issue. Solutions may include asserting these impacts to your partner/friend. Asserting your needs can be carried out in a calm environment with the use of “I feel” statements which identifies how someone’s behaviour makes you feel and what behaviour you would like them to engage in the future. This can be a helpful way of providing feedback and clarifying the behaviour you would like to see. Following this conversation, you are able to monitor whether or not a change has occurred. Sometimes ending the friendship or romance is in your best interests and that is ok. Emotional abuse or failure of a relationship is not a result of non-assertive communication. It is important to talk to someone to create a social support network during the ending of the relationship. The way you end the relationship is individual to your circumstance and situation. It is important to talk to the authorities if you are in danger so that you are aware of your rights to safety and need for shelter.

Your happiness and safety is important. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, take a moment to reassess it and choose an option that’s best for you.

I’m sitting down to write this article while I’m lathered up in organic, unrefined, virgin, cold-pressed coconut oil from head to toe including hair, face and body. I will answer all your curious questions. Yes, I am quite slippery. Yes, I smell like a beautiful island holiday. Yes, my skin is glistening in the sun. And now we come to the why? Why are you lathered up from head to toe. I have many reasons, but first I need to tell you about Coconut Oil. What is coconut oil? It is “an edible oil extracted from the kernel/meat of mature coconuts harvested from the coconut palm” … thanks wikipedia. Okay what else do we know about coconut oil. So … why do you have it all over your body you may be wondering? It’s because it has amazing beauty benefits too as it is an amazing moisturiser, sunscreen and hair protectant.

Oh the list of beauty uses for coconut is endless. Put it in your hair as a conditioner or for anti-frizz properties. Need a make up highlighter or lip balm? Use Coconut Oil. Need to create a body scrub, mix it with salt and scrub it all over. Need moisturiser? Rub it in. I would usually spend hundreds of dollars buying different products for all these different needs with a mixture of harmful chemicals when all a long, all I needed was a jar of Coconut oil. A jar is often priced under $10. It’s mind-blowing isn’t it? That as consumers we are convinced that we need all these products when in actual fact we can achieve all the same goals with a product produced by mother-nature herself.

There is also a long history of research on the health benefits of coconut oil. It is high in Lauric acid which has been found to have medicinal benefits as it plays an anti-bacterial and anti-fungal role. Some studies have found that the the anti fungal role is better than prescription medication. They also have a unique chain of fatty acids that are metabolised differently in the body which are used as a quick source energy. It appears to lower bad cholesterol levels, raise good cholesterol levels as well as increase anti-oxidants. The countries that eat coconut daily appear to have the highest health benefits. Why are we then not eating this everyday?

Good bye lovers, I’m off to eat a coconut. Make sure to add a coconut and a jar of it’s oil to your next grocery list. Your body will thank you for it later. You will never be the same again.

I’m concerned with the trend of labelling emotions as bad or good. I think that all emotions are important and have a purpose, just as the lovely Pixar movie Inside Out described so beautifully. Anger is often one of those emotions that is described as negative or bad. People are often scared of showing this emotion because it can have some serious negative repercussions on social relationships. It also has a wonderful pairing with shame and guilt, which is not always fun as we try to mask or hide it. However, anger is an evolutionary alarm bell that is ultimately telling you that you are not happy with something in the environment. It is there to motivate you to respond straight away and make a change in your environment. It lets you know when you are not being treated fairly, when you are in danger and when you need to protect yourself.

Anger often has a number of different subtle cues before a behavioural response. Your mind first perceives a trigger as threatening and engages in self talk which can be helpful or unhelpful. It then engages in a boddily response as the “alarm system” is triggered. You often feel a quick heart rate, red/hot face, shaky muscles and butterflies in your stomach. Our behaviour often reflects that of someone ready to fight with a louder tone, tense face and stance and irritable/short switch. The adrenal glands release adrenaline and cortisol which send a burst of energy/strength and shut down the digestive system preparing the body to fight. All these reactions are helpful in a threatening situation. However, these reactions become unhelpful when our alarm bells are triggered in a non-threatening situation. Pre-planning what to do in these situations is important. Engaging in calming strategies such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation are a great way to backward circuit the system and turn the alarm bells off.

We are often quick to hide our anger, that we completely ignore what that emotion may be telling us. Once you have calmed down, pay close attention to what triggered you, why it made you angry and how you can solve the issue from occurring again. Anger is very different to aggression. Aggression is an aggressive act toward someone or something else which can be both physical or verbal. Passive-aggression often occurs when someone feels that they can not assert their anger directly to another person and so it emerges in an indirect fashion. Aggression often does not resolve the problem and can often instigate the problem to become worse.

Make friends with your emotions. All of them. Accept them and listen to what they are trying to tell you. They may over-react sometimes, to which we can try to calm down. But don’t ignore them or try to hide them. Listen and respond when in a clearer state of mind.

I have had the pleasure to work very closely with With Love By Mallika designer Mallika Hetrakul as she is a very dear friend. We first met at Fashion College and the rest was history. She likes to call me the face of her brand as I had the pleasure of modeling her beautiful first collection before she was whisked away to Boston Fashion Week. You can see all her designs and a few of our photoshoots at www.mallika-hetrakul.squarespace.com. Now sit back and have a cup of tea with me and Mallika as I explore her inspiration and creative processes through this exclusive interview.

Why did you become a designer?

The knowledge that I could create a piece of fashion that allows a bride to not only feel her best on her wedding day, but also be true to her own personal style, is something that fuels the creativity behind our designs. I think the right wedding dress represents who a woman is, who she aspires to be, and the dream of sharing her life with someone who adores her. It is a daily inspiration to design dresses that represent hope and happiness.

How would you describe Withlovebymallika’s collections?

Withlovebymallika is a marriage between handcrafted pieces, classic silhouettes and timeless styles – think romance, elegance and beauty brought together in timeless styles. Withlovebymallika brings glamour and class and a twist of modernity, but within the traditional method of making and adding a twist of modern designs that will still be stylish years from now. We gives the bride a true experience in quality, fit, and customization, as it only utilizes the finest fabrics and detailing within designs that can be changed to fulfill every wish. We also want our brides to be able to express themselves through the use of different colours. Our collection plays around with bold colours and soft pastels pallets. At the end of the day, your wedding day is about self-expression, and colour is for someone brave and confident who wants to make a statement on her big day.

How did you make the crossover into bridal design?

When I was searching for my own wedding dress, I had great difficulty finding what I wanted something modern yet traditional, yet feminine and elegant. I thought maybe other women were probably feeling exactly the same way, which inspired me to start up my own bridal business. I saw an unmet need in bridal business.

Tell us about your first collections.

First Collection Essence: romance, demure, soft, modern twist, body conscious, classic

Our first collection is comprised with a mixture of traditional and modern pieces. Withlovebymallika craves for that art deco and classic style with a modern twist. So with this collection you will see lots of French lace, embellishments, beads & sequins mixed with luxury fabrics such satin valentine, duchess satin, silk organza and silk chiffon.

All of our new collections find themselves taking steps forward from the popularity of lace. Withlovebymallika offers amazing beading from bodice to skirt, romantic colours, and ultra-feminine silhouettes. We continue to embody the glamour of the 1920s, 1950s and old Hollywood glam with low-back details, cut outs, a modern twist and body-conscious designs. Withlovebymallika is making a stride into alternative lace styles, as well as fresh, minimalist lines and fabrics.

What sets a Withlovebymallika gown apart from others?

I see myself as a true vintage lover and I appreciate all of the art deco influences and the 1920s and 1950s periods but yet there is modernity in my designs. Even when I do a traditional gown, I always give it a modern twist. I work with structure, with techniques and fabrics - but I do go outside the box and give it my own spin.

Where does your design inspiration come from?

I have always been inspired by art - all kinds, all periods. Not only from a visual perspective, but from an emotional view. My creative design process can really begin anywhere.

What inspires each unique gown?

My creative design process can really begin anywhere. It can be something that my friends say to me. It can be an attitude, a girl on the street, or a period in history or a film. It is something that moves me emotionally, as well as psychologically. And I think that design, for me, is extremely linked to that process of feeling, that process of connecting with others.

Where do you draw inspiration?

We are highly selective with the elements that are incorporated into the final designs. However, it is the tastes and needs of the bride that offers constant inspiration.

What trends/styles do you love right now?

We draw our inspirations from the 1920s and 1950s, old Hollywood glitz and glam, royal weddings. Moreover, we tend to embrace a glimpse of modernity within our styles and designs. In a collection, we might come cross low backs, off shoulders, cut outs, embellished fabrics, lace trims, heavy beaded or lace applique bodice, soft pastel colours, ultra-feminine, demure & dreamy looks, fairytales touches. These are some of our signature touches that Withlovebymallika stand for, and we also allow for a wide range of interpretation during the design process. We don’t really follow bridal trends but we do have our signature touches and styles that make our ready-to-wear collection stand out in the crowd. Ultimately, Withlovebymallika makes sure that our brides’ personalities shine through these exquisite bridal gowns.

This girl is a star. Watch out design world. This beautiful starlet is going to make her mark.

Ah time management. We’ve all heard of it. We all think we’re experts at it. We all wish we had more time. But what are the real secrets to managing your time well. I will be honest, I don’t always manage my time well. However, I’m human and that’s our nature. I do know the obstacles that emerge for all of us and how to problem solve them. Let’s have a look at what the research says.

To do lists. Some people love them. Some people hate them. Why are they effective? By writing down all your tasks you are able to take the load off your working memory, which lets face it, is not the strongest skill we have as humans. The normal amount of information someone can hold in working memory is usually four to five elements of new information which is not enough to remember everything you need in the day. Especially now that we live in a society where we are exposed to 25 times more information than our parents or grandparents when they were our age. The downfall is that we are using the exact same hardware. It also takes mental effort to hold information for long periods of time causing cognitive overwhelm. By writing everything down you have taken the mental load off your brain and you can visually see your tasks and use your brain to plan how to achieve them. Make sure you write the tasks in the to do list in positive specific terms so that it is very clear to identify once you have achieved them. You can now use your executive functioning skills to prioritise your tasks, identify time needs/restrictions for your tasks as well as pre-plan anything that is needed for those tasks e.g. need to make dinner at 6pm also entails popping by the shops at 3pm.

Hour-by-hour diary. Seeing your day in hourly increments reminds you of how much time you really do have in the day. It allows you to allocate appropriate time towards different tasks and it keeps your workflow moving as it is common for us to get stuck and not know what to do next. It is important to be realistic when we allocate time towards our tasks as we need to remember that we need to allocate time towards eating, drinking water, bathroom breaks, exercising and socialising with people. It is also important to allocate time to do fun distracting things such as read the trashy magazine or search Instagram/youtube and book that time as “free time/me time”.

Values/purpose. Why is it important to know your values and purpose? Because when you know what is meaningful to you it is a great guide in identifying tasks that you would like to engage in daily. For example if health is an important value to you, turning this value into an action would include 30 minutes of exercise a day, monthly doctor visits, meal and juice preparation, personal training visits etc. These value based actions/tasks would then be easily added to your day. Research has found that people who engage in daily actions that reflect their values, often report that they are happier and feel that they are living a meaningful life based on their standards.

Short/long term goals. Daily tasks should not always be based on what is due that day. There are many long term goals that we want to achieve also such as saving money for a future holiday or gaining overall health benefits. These are long term goals that need a daily focus also. Make sure to create daily actionable items based on your long term goals that can be added to your to-do list and daily diary.

Motivation. It’s all good and well to carry out all these activities however some days you will lack the motivation to do your tasks. What do you do then? It’s important to know that your motivation levels go up and down so it is normal for this to happen. It is important to know your motivators. What helps you get motivated to do a task? Is it rewarding yourself with a pleasurable activity, is it listening to a motivational song or speech or is it the rewarding feeling of seeing a task completed? Know your motivators and implement them when your motivation drops. Self affirmations are helpful. Writing down a statement that resonates with you and feels genuine and authentic can make a shift in motivation levels when you don’t feel like doing that to do list.

Planning out your tasks in the morning is a great way to optimise your time. It also has a calming effect as it makes the day seem manageable and purposeful. Remember, the way you spend your day is the way you live your life. Use your time wisely and manage it well,

By being yourself you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before. You carry the ultimate edge by being yourself because you are unique, strong and offer a point of difference. Your thoughts, emotive experiences and behaviours are completely unique to what others have experienced. Be the expert in your story. Share it. Be proud of it. Teach people about it.

To be genuine you must be open to showing your emotions and mistakes publicly. I have to admit that I do have a thing for genuine and authentic people. However, if you are to be true to who you are in the public arena you must also show the “not so glamorous” side of yourself. The human side cries, gets irritable, has irrational beliefs and makes silly mistakes. I’ve learnt to be okay with showing that side of me.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, your doing the best you can. Everyone is doing the best they can in every situation. The fact that you care enough to do well shows that you have motivation and drive. Whatever mistakes arise, they can be fixed.

If someone is hurting you, speak up. Abuse comes in many forms and often you care about the person so you overlook when they hurt you. It’s important to verbalise what is hurting you in order to value/respect yourself, give the person a chance to resolve it and give yourself a voice. Just because someone you care about is doing it to you, does not make it right. Don’t make excuses for poor behaviour.

People are not meant to be in your life forever. This was a hard lesson for me to learn because I form very strong connections with people and it’s difficult for me to let them go even though the relationship has run it’s course. I’m very sentimental and I hold onto the historical relevance of the relationship. However, you will outgrow relationships and they will outgrow you. Do not hold on to something that is not meant to last because when you do, it starts to take a toll on the life you want to live and it becomes toxic.

Appreciate the one’s who are always there by showing them signs of love. I learnt about a profound concept about showing signs of love from Happiness Guru Gretchen Rubin. It’s very true that I feel deep love for the people around me but don’t really show it often. So how am I supposed to expect that they know that I love them if I don’t show it. If you feel it, make an effort to show it. This is the same for your beliefs, if something is important to you, say it.

Let go of what you think your life should look like. This was a hard one but was the reason for alot of my confusion and pain. I am turning 30 next year and I had a complete vision of what that looked like including husband, 2.5 kids, white labrador, white picket fence etc. Unless I create this life in the next few months I have come to the realisation that this vision has distracted me from enjoying my current wonderful life.

The most precious gift you can give is to be present and in the moment. Being in the moment with someone and experiencing them and the world with curiousity and 100% attention is the most gratifying experience. These moments are what life are about.

You can't trust everyone but not everyone is untrustworthy. I struggle with trust because I've had experiences in the past where people have abused my trust. However, creating a protective mechanism where you don't trust anyone is much more harmful because you don't get to experience the true beauty of relationships without trust.

Stand up for what you believe in, even if the other person is going to think you’re wrong. I have a tendency to not speak my mind especially when someone else is adamant that I am wrong. I automatically shift to the other person as the expert, because I could never be the expert … Could I? Well that was my thinking style until I learnt that I am the expert of my life and my opinions. It is important to give yourself a voice even though it may not change the mind of your counterpart because remember you are the main character in your story of self growth.

Everyone you meet will teach you something new. Everyone I have met in my life has taught me something about myself, about relationships and about life. Whenever I meet someone new I wonder what this person will teach me and I wonder what I will teach them.

Explore the world with intrigue, you will always find something interesting. Curious minds always find the most amazing things, The world is your playground. Go explore, play, have fun.

With Love

The Fashion Therapist

Xx

Organising Me Time. Sounds fun right? Ludacris even? Important? Yes it is! Making time for activities that we find pleasurable isn’t just a treat, it’s essential in maintaining your mood and productivity. Some of us put these activities at the bottom of the priority list because putting time aside to read your favourite book doesn’t really sound as important as finishing that work deadline. I had that very same thought when I used to study for exams at University, any free time I had I would prioritise my study over anything else. One of my University Professors was the first person who introduced me to "me time". He stood at his lectern and gave us tasks to do during our study break. One of those tasks stood out to us as he asked us to book in some “me time”. We all snickered because we were all thinking, that’s never going to happen but then he told us why we should and something changed. Scheduling "me time" is not just fun but it's important to do your best work. It’s imperative because balancing me time with work time actually makes you more efficient, productive and effective when you are studying/working. Really? I thought. Yes, really! These activities revitalise and energise you. They boost your mood and concentration. They also give you time away from your work so that you can come back with a fresh perspective. When all your time is focused on work, all your ideas and tasks start to blend into eachother. This lesson of keeping a good work-life balance has been my biggest life saver. It is so easy for me to lose myself in my work that I can often forget about my own wants, needs and values. Organising me time is a way for me to maintain this balance.

Organising is the key word. Brainstorming and scheduling the activities you enjoy into your diary are important for success. Some activities need extra planning e.g. going to the theatre which will involve buying theatre tickets one week in advance. Take home tip. Take one hour each month to sit down and brainstorm what you find pleasurable and schedule it into your diary for the following month (the same way you would organise your work schedule). Are you stuck for ideas? You can Google adult pleasant event schedules which will give you a list of different fun activities. They may include simple activities such as watching your favourite TV show to extreme activities such as skydiving. This brainstorming technique is to help you think outside the box. Just a warning, some of the suggestions can be bizarre but they are there to help you brainstorm every possible idea out there. Still stuck? Go through each activity and rate how pleasurable you find the suggested experiences to help you identify your favourites. Identifying trends across your choices is helpful in getting to know your interests better e.g. is there a creative theme or a musical theme throughout? This will also draw your attention to these fields of interest and make booking in activities easier in the future.

Think of your brain as your laptop, you can enter all the information you like but if you don’t save your work, charge the battery or shut it down every day … your work will be scattered or lost and all that hard work will be for nothing.

Hope you enjoy booking in your Me time. Let me know what activities you found fun and if it improved your mood and energy levels. Send me an email or tag me on instagram.

Love,

The Fashion Therapist

xx

Want to boost your mood? Just add some colour to your wardrobe. You can be subtle by adding a pop of colour to your ensemble or if you’re really adventurous you can dress in colour from head to toe. Why is colour so appealing? It’s not just pretty to look at! It also releases feel good hormones in the body like dopamine and oxytocin. Enough of that science talk. No need to say anymore. Bring on the colour!

Most of us will wear block colours of black, greys and whites and that's okay. I'm an avid monochrome supporter. A pop of colour to a monochrome ensemble makes the colour stand out even more. It draws a viewer's attention to that item. In the picture above, I'm using a styling tip from my earlier blog post of using a dress as a top as I'm wearing a white strapless dress tucked into a white assymerical skirt from Dollhouse Sydney store. The pop of colour is my floral crown from Diva accessories store. The crown is both boho and playful and transorms this white on white look into a new trend. Try this at home. You can add a bright heel, bag or bracelet. I guarantee you that you will get complimented on the coloured piece. The use of colour is a secret style weapon stylist's use to draw attention to that item along with bringing about a certain feeling. Keep an eye out next time you see an advertisement with a pop of colour and how it draws your attention and feelings.

Add colour with aprint piece. Prints can include floral, digital or aztec prints this season. Keep an eye out for bright digital prints coming our way next year as I attended a recent workshop with a trend forecasting agency who highlighted that this print will lead the trend. Here I'm wearing a crop floral bralette and crocheted midi skirt from Dollhouse Sydney. The cool blue tones pair perfectly with the white and give off a cool calming vibe.

Everyone owns a little black dress. But what about a little coloured dress? I think coloured dresses can often make more of a statement than a black ensemble which is why every girl needs one in her closet. Above I'm wearing a bright floral mini dress with pink pinstripe trimmings purchased while traveling Asia. This dress screams fun and is such a bold statement that a simple heel is a must.

Want to be even bolder? Dress yourself in head to toe colour! You then become the statement. Here I'm wearing a Morning Mist maxi dress with tie dye print of cooling blue and purple hues.

Thank you to the Dove 100 Colour Competitionfor choosing my photo as a runner up. Great product! I think I have personally tried this deodarant with 100 different colours and it never fails me. If you are going to test out this colour trend, this is a must have beauty product.

I hope that all the beautiful colours in your wardrobe bring you much happiness.

With Love,

The Fashion Therapist

xx

Have you ever caught yourself saying things like I'm so stupid, I'm ugly or I'm not worthwhile? Or more specifically, I hate my fat thighs or I hate the way I speak? Have you ever noticed that we would never tolerate or believe this type of talk from other people however when it comes from our inner voice we often believe it's true?

What if I told you that your thoughts may sometimes not be a true reflection of reality? Trippy right? Or what if I told you that changing the way you engage with your inner talk can affect your overall confidence and mood? You may be thinking that's easier said than done. Let's have a look at a few ways you can change your relationship with your inner voice based on principles in therapy.

I was triggered to write this blog post because I spotted Dove's amazing instagram self-esteem campaign and today's tip was to write down your negative thought and think about how you would respond to a friend who had the same thought. This is known as the strategy of challenging your thoughts. Why is it important to challenge your negative thoughts? Negative thoughts can be so automatic and frequent that they are often believable. They often pop up with imagery of a past embarrassing event which is hard to argue with. Our mind is great at storing all the embarrassing and negative experiences we've had in our life ad replaying it like a short clip from the not so funniest home videos archives. Remember that time you tripped in front of that cute guy at school or that time you made a suggestion at work and was laughed at? Great, thanks for the reminder mind! These thoughts and images often stem from a core belief we hold about ourselves and which biases us to look for evidence to support it. This search therefore strengthens that thought pathway so it continues to pop up with ease. However what if we can introduce a new thought pathway that is believable? What would we need? Evidence!! Cognitive challenging is when we look for evidence against this type of thought, kind of like in a court room. Think of the famous podcast Serial, where Sarah Koenig an inquisitive journalist investigates a cold case and looks at the evidence for and against the conviction with no particular bias, just a keen eye of intrigue and interest. Thought challenging involves inquisitively interacting with every piece of evidence you have and questioning everything about that thought. You can start off by looking at evidence supporting and opposing this thought. What if you find it difficult to identify evidence opposing the thought? Okay, pretend you are a detective, how do we collect evidence against a self-derogatory thought? We will need to draw our attention to our good and positive traits, right? We can shift our attentional focus to our positive traits by identifying three things that we like about ourselves and are grateful for each day. This strategy comes from the long line of Positive Psychology research and I know it sounds strange but remember, we are training ourselves to look at ourselves differently which does take practice. Another way to do this is to write down one sentence each day about an experience where you displayed a positive trait and keep it in a jar or a journal. This means you will have 365 pieces of realistic evidence at the end of each year to review and rebut your negative thought.

What are some other questions you can ask yourself whilst cognitively challenging a thought? What would be a different way of viewing this situation/thought? Am I a biased witness i.e. am I engaging in any unhelpful thinking styles that bias my view? What would I say to a friend in a similar situation? What would be a helpful way of looking at this situation? Am I being hard on myself? What would be a helpful balanced way of interpreting this situation?

You may be thinking, is there any way we can stop these negative thoughts? I wish there was a cool way to press the stop button on these thoughts. And yes, psychologists and pharmaceutical companies have spent years trying to figure out a way to stop them all together. Sadly all the research has found is that when you try to stop a thought, it comes back threefold. Have you ever noticed that? When you try to stop thinking about something, there is this rebound effect and you think about it even more? So what do you do with these thoughts if you don’t want to challenge them? You can follow the ancient practice of mindfulness where we observe them just as they are, as words/thoughts. This is a great way to remove their power and bring us back to the present moment.

If you find that you are very critical towards yourself and it's too difficult to do the above steps, I just want you to stop and visualise yourself as a little baby again. Now start that critical talk again towards the baby you. Can't do it right? People often can't be negative towards a vulnerable child. Remember, you still have that vulnerable child within you. You still bring just as much joy into the world as you did when you were first born. You are also just as inquisitive about your inner and outer world. Nurture that child within and explore the depths of the outer world as much as your inner world.

Lisa Messenger from The Collective Hub Magazine has one of my favourite messages in her latest book Daring and Disruptive. She talks about the importance of backing yourself, both in life and in business. When you see your value and the value of your work, you will bring forth success. Therefore, self-confidence is not just about boosting your inner self worth, it is key to reaching your value-driven goals in reality.

I truly believe you are amazing and that you should know it,

The Fashion Therapist

xx

What if I told you that I could double your wardrobe right this minute, No no, right this second. You won't have to spend any money. You won't have to make any extra room in your closet. You won't even have to lift a finger. Interested? Want to know the secret? It sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? I'll give you a hint ... the secret is hidden within these four pictures. Have you guessed it yet?

Want another clue? Ok, what if I told you that you can double your wardrobe by simply changing your mindset? Still confused? Is it an optical illusion? Ok, here it is. Abra Cadabra ... all the tops pictured above are not in fact tops. What are they then? They are a mixture of dresses or playsuits paired and tucked into skirts and shorts. You can double your wardrobe by simply using the same items but not in their traditional form. I have so many dresses that I love and by using this technique, the same dress can be worn a variety of ways and therefore giving me a dress, plus a cool new skirt and top. Essentially tripling my wardrobe. Now when I look for a top I am no longer restricted to my t-shirt section ... I get to assess all the top versions of my pieces and have my pick of the bunch.

Here I'm wearing the Wishful Thinking Playsuit from Babyboo Fashion tucked into my ripped denim shorts from Cinch Australia. I love the crocheted long sleeves along with the deep V bust line of this playsuit. I don't have any tops that would have achieved the same look however by keeping to the versatility rule of every item in my wardrobe, I was able to put together one of my favourite summer looks.

I love the combination of sequin and leather. Here I'm wearing a backless dress from Abyss by Abby tucked into a puffer leather skirt from Dollhouse Fashion in Sydney. The dress is gorgeous and tightfitting which is more appropriate for the Sydney nightlife. By pairing it with this puffer leather skirt it accentuated my waist and allowed the dress to cross over into day wear.

I'm wearing my favourite Black Organza Wrap designed by With Love By Mallika and the top ofcourse is not a top but a short singlet lace dress. Matching colours and materials well can make such a great pairing that people can assume that they were designed as a pairing. All of my friends were sure that the wrap and dress were one piece and they loved it.

Finally, here is my recent New Year's outfit. This pairing is a long sleeve sequin dress from Sportsgirl tucked into the beautiful sheer lined midi skirt frpm Bardot Fashion. The sequin dress creates a baggy jumper look alike and the tight fitted skirt perfectly hides the rest of the sequin dress from plain sight.

Remember, human perception can be fooled by optical illusions and fashion is like beauty, it's all in the eye of the beholder. Nobody needs to know that the top we're wearing is actually a dress. Unless you want them to know ofcourse, and in that circumstance, that it is totally your perogative.

Double your wardrobe today by thinking outside the box and using your items outside of their traditional form.

Stay tuned for future posts which will look into how to turn scarfs into jackets and dresses.

What are your thoughts about this fashion tip? Have you ever used it before? Leave a comment or send us a picture of how you have used this secret and we'll include you in a future post.

With Love,

The Fashion Therapist

xx

I have always been fascinated with happiness my whole life. The older I've become the more interested I have become with this emotion, with how different people experience happiness and how people can self generate happiness. Through my research I have learnt a few key lessons about happiness itself and what truly makes me happy.

Smiling. They have found that forcing yourself to physically smile can in turn increase your mood. Isn't that amazing? That we can self generate an emotion by enacting a positive facial expression. I have a tendency to smile ALL the time and have been like this my whole life. I wonder if my younger self figured out this connection early on in life and just subconciously continued to do this to generate these positive feelings. Or was it a socially conditioned behaviour where others would reinforce my behaviour by smiling back or giving me positive feedback. I'm not sure where it came from but its a habit that I'm happy to have. The downfall of this habit is smiling during inappropriate times ... I do recall getting in trouble a few times at school for smiling during serious teacher conversations and with ex partners during an argument. Imagine arguing with someone who has a huge grin on their face? That would definitely fuel the fire.

Surrounding yourself with positive people. Emotional Contagion people! It exists!! Have you ever been in a really good mood and then you came in contact with someone who was completly absorbed in their negative emotive experience, that you then started to feel negative even though you weren't going through the same experience? Yep emotions are contagious. Which makes sense within a biological or evoloutional sense because our social peers are teaching us about the environment through their emotive expressions. A caveman's fear face surely must of saved many lives as it informed others of a threat and in turn triggered their fear and fight/flight response to save themselves. The good news is that positive emotions are contagious, which is why happy people are often more socially successful. Surround yourself with people who exude these positive feelings. Unlike the contagious flu, this is one thing that I am happy and willing to catch.

Laughter. Laughter is another contagious experince I don't mind sharing. I don't mind it, I love it! They have found that laughter releases endorphins, relaxes/recharges the body and can boost your entire immune system. This explains why comedians and clowns are popular entertainers. I personally value sense of humor in all aspects of my life and try to find the humor in everything. I share this value with my family and friends. I love being around people who can make me laugh and who have a sure fire aim to make me laugh. They are the best kind of people.

Be in the moment. As humans, we naturally engage in mind time travel ALL the time where we either worry about the past or worry about the future whilst sacrificing the current moment which we have the most control over. The best way to bring yourself into the current moment is to use mindfulness practice. You can do this by grounding yourself and focusing on your breathe. You can then tap into your different senses by shifting your attention across what you smell, see, touch, hear and taste. Mindfulness practice can improve our relationship with our thoughts by helping us view thoughts as they are, reduce fusion with them and the associated emotional experience/turmoil they bring. Living in the moment has been found to increase our mood and overall sense of control.

Living by your values. Your values are what is most important to you in life. You would assume that you would be living by your values because they are important to you which is somewhat true. However, it's interesting to find that most people don't allocate regular time towards activities that tap into their core values. For example, Sally may really value physical health and exercise however she has not identified specific ways to incorporate this value in her everyday life. By allocating different ways to live by this value on a regular basis, Sally would in turn feel happier and overall more satisfied e.g. daily walks, choosing the stairs over the elevator, preparing healthy meals, attending her local gym or exercise class.

Pleasant activities and Sense of Mastery. Engaging in regular activities that make you happy will ofcourse make you happier. However, did you know that engaging in regular activities that provide a sense of mastery and accomplishment are also just as important. These activities can include tasks such as making your bed to completing a homework assignment to fulfilling an errand to completion. Regular experiences of these activities will build your sense of mastery and control and in turn increase your mood and self confidence.

Spending time with nature. Did you know that spending time with nature can improve your concentration and mood levels and decrease your stress levels? No wonder everyone travels to beautiful islands or coastal areas for their holiday. This information is key to reaching this holiday feeling every day. Take some time out each day to sit amongst nature. Tune into the different sounds, smells and sights. If you're lucky enough to be a near a body of water, go and check it out. Water has great healing powers, it can change the way we see ourselves, people around us and time itself. Some say it's because we are made up of water that being near water is being near our home.

Yoga and Meditation. There is so much research now surfacing about the positive benefits of yoga and meditation practice that ofcourse I had to try it and yes it just as amazing as they said it would be. Studies show that meditation can change your brain structure and build resilience. Recent studies have used the loving/kindness meditation to self generate positive emotions and have found significant improvements in overall mood. Yoga has been found to help heal the body physically as well as emotionally with new studies looking at the benefits with people who have been traumatised as a way of reconnecting them to their bodily experience in a safe calm way.

Physical Activity. Yes the mind-body connection is real. Increasing physical activty can in turn increase your mood. The difficulty that emerges with this connection is that even though we may know the benefits, we often are not motivated to physically move and prefer to stay within our comfort zone. One way to motivate ourselves is to monitor the effect physical activity has on our mood by giving it a rating out of ten and then using this observational evidence as a future motivator when we get stuck.

Eating Well. I never understood why eating well made me happier but it did. Yes, that pizza also made me happy. Very happy in fact. But only in the moment. Later that day, or the following day I would become sluggish, tired and irritable. My mood level would drop. Which is why I now make my food choices based on how I would like to feel later rather than that instant gratification. Rest assured that the pizza craving does get fulfilled every now and then. My Italian ancestors crave it.

Lastly, the important lesson I have learnt is that everyone has different values and that everyone defines different activities as pleasurable. I hope that you find what makes you happy and continue doing that throughout your days.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you be safe.

What makes you happy? Let me know by leaving a comment or sending me an email.

With Love,

The Fashion Therapist

x

The midi skirt trend hit it's peak in the 1960's and as my Mum always says "fashion trends always come back with avengence" and the midi skirt is a perfect example. I was not a big fan of the the midi skirt as I felt it cut my leg in an awkward position and I looked like a Stepford housewife. However the combination of the midi skirt along with a crop top made me want more. This combination was a youthful playful twist to this fashion favourite pastime and I loved it. The wild classy combo really encapsulated the juxtaposition that I like to express in fashion which is that no trend or woman for that matter can be boxed into one category. Women can be classy and wild at the same time without cancelling the former.

I combined the Aria Crop Tank in white with the Pleat Stripe Midi Skirt from Bardot Fashion to re-create this trend. The nautical stripes throw you back to the beautiful Navy wives who followed their men to sea and held their hand till their very last good bye. The Miss Buckingham Shoes from Peeptoe Fashion added the classic closed heel to finish off the look as it elongated the leg which is a must with the odd lengthed cut of the skirt. This modern twist is one of my favourite trends at the moment. It shows that fashion never really goes out of style ... it is just reborn.

Black Organza Wrap by Miss Mallika Hetrakul ... With Love By Mallika

Lace Applique Wrap by Miss Mallika Hetrakul ... With Love By Mallika

Did you know that wearing red can make you look more attractive? This is a phenomenon known as the red dress effect. This effect is where women are rated more attractive/open to advances if they are wearing red compared to their other fashion counterparts. Fascinating!! Why is this? They suspect that it's linked to the biological basis of the colour red on a female’s skin which suggests higher levels of estrogen during ovulation. Therefore males subconsciously use this indicator to assess fertility level to trigger them to make their move. Basically, from a scientific view, guys are programmed to look for fertility indicators in a woman ... attention to hip to waist ratio is another eample of this. Who knew Sir Mix A Lot and Nicki Minaj were singing about a scientific phenomenon when they said they liked big butts. It seems like the biological effect of the colour red on a female's skin has generalised and poured over into red clothing because men have been found to react to women with red clothing in the very same way. However, another study has found that women also rate men more attractive if they were wearing red also. What could explain this reverse phenomenon? My conclusion is that red must just have a universal effect of making people sexier. Shhhh let’s keep this secret between us and use it to our advantage. Next time you want to stand out in the crowd and catch someone's attention - put on your favourite red item. However, make sure you know exactly what you’re getting yourself into! You may feel like the red cape the matador uses to draw in the bull. Use this knowledge wisely.

My favourite red dress is this strapless mermaid cut gown from one of my favourite Sydney stores, Sheike. The bold colour caught my attention the very second I walked into the store and the incredible figure hugging cut is what made me fall in love. The detail and structure makes this piece unique for any event.

Hip to waist ratio - check.

Red dress - check.

Science don’t fail me now … I’m counting on you!



Here are the top ten things I learnt while interning in Vogue's fashion cupboard. Yes, I worked in a cupboard and it was as fabulous as it sounds ...

1. When you get ready in the morning, remember less is more ... The first question I'm always asked is what are the Vogue girls wearing and how do they style themselves? A lot of people fantasise that the Vogue headquarters is full of model look alike stylists dressed in designer gowns from head to toe. Yes, I do admit that I did spot a few designer gowns around the office prior to a big event but day to day wear was simple but chic. Colour hues were either black, white or denim...but no denim jeans of course - that was a little too causal. All staff had clean face make up with the rare mascara or lip colour here and there. The sneaky trend I did see creep up was the random cut out trend usually from the back and usually from Josh Goot. I would describe the overall office trend as effortless chic.

2. Flat shoes are your friend ... When I first started at Vogue I was sent a calendar invite from my college with the dress code stating clearly no high heels. My first thought was ... What?! No high heels?! Why? What am I going to wear?! How will I look Vogue chic in flats?! And then I attended my first day at Vogue and I learnt very quickly why flat shoes were a must. I spent most of the day running errands across the city...picking up fashion items, returning fashion items, catching trains, buses, taxis...you name it. Something I could not have done so gracefully and quickly in heels. Over the next month, those flats became my best friend and I would not exchange them for heels anyday.

3. If you want to work in fashion, you need upper body strength ... Most people would laugh when I say that fashion items are heavy. But they are! Very heavy! Before you start laughing I would recommend you walk a day in my shoes and try carrying 20 couture gowns in plastic garment bags for 20 blocks without letting them slip through your fingers. Or try carrying a larger than life profiterole cake through the city streets all the way to the Vogue office without losing your balance. Or try picking up large boxes filled with Chanel bags/shoes from the mailroom and run up numerous flights of stairs to get them to the fashion cupboard in one piece. And when you are doing this, I also want you to remember that I struggle to lift 2kg dumbbells at the gym ... so please feel for me.

4. Treat every fashion item as if they were your own child ... The fashion items that are sent to Vogue are extremely expensive as they receive regular new pieces from Chanel, Prada, Salvatore Ferragamo and Louis Vuitton. The items are on loan for shoots and if any damages are incurred, the magazine is liable. Therefore, packing and maintenance of these items are to be done with utmost precision and respect for the label. Treat them the same way you would treat your baby, don't drop your baby.

5. There is no such thing as a 9 - 5 work day ... Vogue staff have taught me the meaning of working hard. Staff members would get there before nine and would not leave till after seven. They would fly domestically to different fashion shows but still make it in time for important meetings. I don't even think they noticed the clock strike five which showed me that they were not checking the time to rush home. They lived and breathed the brand. Vogue was their home away from home.

6. Use your lunchtime efficiently ... Lunch breaks were often short and sweet. Food was often from the cafeteria special downstairs which was always a good heavy home cooked meal such as bangers and mash, gnocchi, lasagna or lamb and veggies. No salads here. Salads would not give the energy needed for the long physical day. Carbs were no longer the enemy.

7. Become friends with the mailman ... The mailman is your life saver when you have a deadline and you need to get a package back to a brand or PR agency asap. They are the ones who tell you if the packaging is wrong, or if the address is wrong, or how much time you have left before the truck leaves or points out that the form you filled out is missing an important signature. Befriend them. They are your life saviour.

8. Style.com is your best friend ... How did I not know that this website existed? If you are in fashion, you need to know this website. You need to memorise each runway show. You need to be up to date with all the trends from Milan to Paris to London. Make it a part of your daily routine. You will be ahead of the rest.

9. Work smart and fast ... I always thought that I worked efficiently, however this internship took me to a whole new level. The large to do list combined with the limited time to do the tasks taught me how to manage my time well. There was no time for distraction or boredom because there was always something to do and limited time to do it in.

10. Know your designers and PR agencies ... Josh Goot, Dion Lee, Versace, Viktoria Novak, Toni Maticevski, Prada, Go Lightly PR, MCMPR, Tomorrowland Group, EVH and the list goes on. Your life will be so much easier if you can spot the designer item and recall where they came from. Many designers are also represented by different PR agencies and knowing exactly where each item comes from is critical to your success in the fashion cupboard. Always keep a visual diary of where items come from and where they are sent to. You will spend numerous hours looking for missing items and the best way to save this time is to prevent this from happening by creating a visual timeline history.

Don't forget to have fun.

Not everyone gets to be a Vogue girl.

Enjoy every minute.

Love The Fashion Therapist

Xx